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Post by _bjscw on Jan 5, 2009 3:32:01 GMT -5
Swirls of colors and flashes of light surrounded Jeremy as he sat idly in his seat on the merry-go-round. He had opted for one of those cherry red benches with Swedish decorations all over them, instead of looking like idiot on one of the mechanical horses. It was his fifth round on the sickening ride, but none of the laughing children around him seemed to notice his odd lingering. That was probably a good thing, actually.
Jeremy tried going about his life normally, but his attempts were weak and filled with false hope. Deep down he knew that he was starting to slip into that shit-like state he always fell into when he couldn't have his Nina anymore. It had been almost an entire year since they broke up, but it seemed to be smacking him in the face nowadays. Everywhere he went there were couples holding hands or cuddling happily. Even Shay Manseau and Connor Knight, the school's biggest sluts, had found love together. Maybe it wasn't the fact that he missed Nina so much anymore... maybe it was just the fact that he longed for the feeling of someone caring about him again.
Ben had his own crap to deal with; he didn't have time to worry or think about his twin brother anymore. Jeremy lost his best friend to an inanimate object - a simple powder that was to be sniffed up a nostril. He was so easily replaced by a drug, and even though he knew it was ridiculous to get jealous of an addictive substance, Jeremy felt complete envy. Even after Ben supposedly cured himself at the drug program, their relationship was forever changed. He'd never get his best friend back again.
And then there was his mother, someone he wished he could count on but knew he really couldn't. Sometimes she showed motherly care for her children, but there was never a time where Jeremy could just sit down with her and talk, without the conversation becoming an argument about her latest husband or boyfriend. Plus, Amber was drunk half the time she was around her boys, so she forgot half the stuff she heard anyway. It was a behavior both twins had been able to get used to, but sometimes Jeremy prayed he could have been born with one of those perfect mothers, who always had a tray of cookies and milk, who tucked him in each night and gave him embarrassing forehead kisses in public. Not some woman who insisted on moving around all the time and shipping her children off to boarding school every year just to get rid of them.
Jeremy could deal with Stewart, though. And especially after he discovered Nina, the girl he thought would always be around and would never stop loving him... he thought he was set for the rest of his life. He didn't think things through, and he wasn't logical when he should have been. Nina was just another girlfriend. The night they had sex didn't mean they belonged to each other forever, and that they would never split up; that night meant Jeremy thought he could pull someone in and make them care about him. Nina wasn't what he was obsessed with for the past two years - it was the fact that someone was thinking about him and giving a shit about what he did with his life. As long as someone loved him enough to keep coming back to him, to hang out with him and hold him close and kiss him and perform the deepest act of intimacy at all with him... that meant the world.
But it was all a lie that he forced himself into believing, Jeremy realized as he sat on the merry-go-round this chilly night. The ride slowed down as the kids leaked off to go find their parents and beg them for another time around. He sat still in his bench, giving in to the dizziness and fancy decorations. His eyes were glazed over as he waited for everything to start up again, so he could just sit and spin, over and over...
A single tear rolled down his cheek.
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Post by andi ! on Jan 5, 2009 16:25:32 GMT -5
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[/size] push me till i have to fly , i’ve shed my skin, my scars, so take me deep out past these lights, where nothing dims these stars[/center][/font] Andrea didn’t go to the amusement park very frequently. There was cotton candy and popcorn and soda and rides and seemingly everything a girl like her could possibly need to be happy… yet she tended to avoid it like the plague. She was deathly afraid of roller coasters, and whenever she went to amusement parks with her friends, she felt like a coward for shying away from anything fast or high or spinny or flippy. Anything that could possibly be dangerous or result in a small child becoming physically ill or bursting into tears was not her speed. And it seemed that such thrill-inducing, fear-factor rides were about all places like the amusement park off campus had to offer the world. Except, of course, for cotton candy.
There was only one noteworthy exception to this rule she had established, one she hadn’t found until just before she left: The Merry-Go-Round. If she had known that there was one (she had somehow missed the glaring ride on her two previous visits to the amusement park), she might have put up with the high-volume, large crowds, fear-fueled atmosphere a few more times. She liked Merry-Go-Rounds, perhaps more than was normal. She found them to be soothing, calming. And just about as much up-and-down action as she could take without clamping her eyes shut and screaming at the top of her lungs. She didn’t understand how some people enjoyed that feeling, that strange, fear-powered adrenaline rush as your stomach climbed higher and higher in your throat and the ground got farther and farther away. Call her crazy, but she didn’t find much fun in near-death experiences. Go figure.
But now that she knew that a fun, safe ride existed in the God forsaken park, she could justify going there. And go she did, for lack of anything better to do. Plus, she was really in the mood for a hot dog, and where better to get one, really? So, on this lazy Saturday afternoon, Andrea rolled out of her bed record-breakingly late in the day, pulled on jeans, a faded green wife-beater, a zip-up red sweater, and green buckled wedge heels. And then, with the grace of a drunken antelope (blame it on just waking up, of course), she made her slow way to the amusement park before even realizing that she was headed that way. She must have decided to go there in her dreams the night before, because if felt right, planned, when she got there. She had been walking purposelessly, or at least she thought that she had been.
She purchased a hot dog and a Diet Coke on her way to the Merry-Go-Round, figuring she could sit on a bench there and peacefully eat her lunch. She was in a surprisingly mellow mood for a girl of such high energy. It wasn’t that she was upset or out of sorts or anything like that. She was just… calm. More so than she ever was. It wasn’t a way she’d like to live her life, it felt rather bland. But it was alright for just then, for being still half asleep and not really in the mood to think as much as she always did. It was proving to be a rather odd day; the sky was overcast, the sun hidden beneath a blanket of grey, foreboding clouds. It was almost ominous, but in the least offensive way possible. And somehow, she was fine with it. But just this once.
The Merry-Go-Round came to a stop just as she approached. She hurried her pace so that it wouldn’t start without her, having no interest in waiting for one whole cycle before she could sit and eat her ketchup-drenched hot dog. She wished absently that she had gotten fries, and considered going back for them but didn’t. Instead, she sped up even further and mounted the two steels steps at the base of the ride, wandering around to the first still-fixture, sure that eating atop a gradually rising and falling horse was a bad idea.
An all-too familiar blond boy sat on the bench, causing a grin to erupt on her features. She had approached from behind him, but was still forcefully sure that she was approached Jeremy Roberts. She walked around the bench and sat beside him, turning and smiling. Her smile faltered as she got a faceful of the expression on his face, the tear frozen on his cheek, as if caught in the act. A worried expression overtook her previous grin as she set her hot dog and drink down on the floor so as to grant Jeremy her full attention. ”What’s wrong, Jer?” she asked quietly, tilting her head to the side. She realized that she was utterly useless in situations like these, not nearly as good at talking people down from their bad moods as she’d like to be. But it would have to suffice. At the very least, she considered herself someone Jeremy would talk to. So if he needed to talk to someone, it was better her than no one. If he needed advice, well, she could try. If he just wanted someone to be there, she could try her best to be quiet, challenging though it would be. And if he wanted to be left alone, she could probably be persuaded to leave, though that would be the hardest option for her to accept gracefully.[/blockquote][/font][/color][/size]
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 8, 2009 23:33:02 GMT -5
Something, or rather someone, broke his continuous thoughts about his motion sickness and hopelessness. Jeremy turned and found himself looking into the face of Andrea Goodman, the girl he had always been able to count on even though he treated her like crap at one point. It felt like an angel just reached down and smacked him in the face, as if to call for his attention. All he had been able to think about for the past few hours was how nobody cared, how he felt so useless and uninteresting, how he sort of wished he could just poof into thin air and not have to worry about stuff ever again...
And now here was someone looking into his eyes with concern. Andrea found him in one of his weakest states, and she sat there and offered him attention. She asked him what was wrong, she showed that she cared enough about him to give him a listening ear. Jeremy stared at her for a few seconds, a million different emotions running through his face. He finally reached up and wiped his tear away, although it was pointless considering the tons more beginning to flood his eyes.
"I'm... s-sorry..." Jeremy stumbled, not even strong enough to be embarrassed about his breaking voice. He pushed some blond hair out of his face and sniffled a bit. "I don't mean to r-ruin your evening or anything, I just... really am not having a good day, I g-guess." His teeth chattered slightly as more tears came tumbling down his cheeks. The merry-go-round began to move.
He looked up again with his watery eyes, giving Andrea a wide-eyed look. "Andrea, you're such a g-good friend!" Obviously, he was slightly in hysterics as he tried not to full on sob, but he truly meant what he said. Only she would just randomly arrive out of nowhere and be there for him when he felt down. Jeremy leaned forward and leaned the side of his head against her shoulder, so shaken up that he couldn't bother to care about whether he was making things too awkward. He just felt like shit, and a shoulder was what he needed right now.
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Post by andi ! on Jan 9, 2009 20:25:36 GMT -5
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[/size] push me till i have to fly , i’ve shed my skin, my scars, so take me deep out past these lights, where nothing dims these stars[/center][/font] Andrea sat quietly as Jeremy thought, eyes widening slightly in surprise as more tears filled his eyes, pouring over the rim and spilling down his cheeks. A wave of empathy rushed over her, deeping the concerned frown on her face. "Oh, Jeremy, don't worry about that," she answered quietly as he apologized for ruining her night, raising a hand and placing it on his shoulder.
She wished then, as more tears stained his cheeks, that she was the put-together type of girl who would have a bag filled with all the essentials - candy, tissues, something to make Jeremy feel a little better. Alas, she was carelessly remiss in such practical womanly duties. Once in a while she would carry a bag or some sort of purse, but not typically. It was more common for her to shove some cash and her phone in the pockets of her jeans, maybe find room for her iPod as well, if warranted.
"Don't worry, you're not ruining my evening," she promised him, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze as she offered what she took to be a reassuring smile. She looked rather surprised as he complimented her and leaned his head on her shoulder. She really was useless in these situations, but she could only do her best. So she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, trying her best to be comforting.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked quietly, after a moment of sitting there. The Merry-Go-Round had gone two full rotations at this point, and she had totally forgotten about her drink and hot dog on the floor.
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 11, 2009 13:11:24 GMT -5
"No." Jeremy said quickly, the tears flowing loosely and comfortably now. He changed his mind a split-second later, deciding he did want to talk about it. He needed to. This wasn't one of those times where he could just keep it all bottled up inside. He'd been bottling everything up for the past year or so, and now that he had the chance to spill his guts to someone, he couldn't turn it down because he was afraid to. The only thing that still bugged him was that he didn't want to be so rude to Andrea. She told him not worry about ruining her evening, but he couldn't help but do just that.
"I miss her," He mumbled brokenly after a moment or two, and then realized he needed to retract that. Andrea would think he meant that he literally missed Nina, and he knew that wasn't what it was anymore. "I mean, I don't miss her, I miss--" He cut himself off, trying to formulate a sentence in his head that made sense. "I miss her c-caring about me, Andrea. I'm so shallow, I'm terrible!" Jeremy turned his head a bit, trying not to stain Andrea's clothes. Her arms felt so warm around him, like he had slipped a breathing blanket around him. It was so comforting, and especially nice at a time like this.
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Post by andi ! on Jan 11, 2009 19:46:19 GMT -5
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[/size] push me till i have to fly , i’ve shed my skin, my scars, so take me deep out past these lights, where nothing dims these stars[/center][/font] Andrea nodded her head quietly as Jeremy said that he didn't want to talk about it. So, instead of talking, she pulled him in a little closer to her side, trying to be comforting. Being quiet wasn't as hard as she had expected. She wasn't normally very good at it, but she didn't find herself fighting against a stream of things she wanted to say like she normally did.
A moment later, Jeremy changed his mind and started to talk about what was bothering him. "You're not shallow," she answered in a hushed tone, lightly rubbing his back. "I know it hurts, not having her here. But even if she's not here, even if you're not dating her, it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you, Jeremy. And plenty of other people care about you, too. You have your mom, and... and Ben, and me." She had been away too long to know who else he was close with these days, but at a bare minimum, he had the three of them, none of whom he'd be able to easily shake.
"And don't you ever call yourself terrible again," she added with a laugh-like exhale.
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 16, 2009 14:33:08 GMT -5
His heart sank upon her mentioning his mother and Ben. Jeremy knew they obviously cared for him somewhat - after all, they were his blood. But just the way he and Ben had grown so apart, and how he couldn't even connect with his mom anymore... it just made their love less believable. Like it was just an idea or a dream he had a long time ago, and not something that could actually occur today.
"Andrea, I'm s-so sorry for what I did to you. And wh-what Ben did, too! We're assholes, pathetic assholes." Jeremy stuttered through his tears, lifting his head a bit to look into her face. "You're the best person I've ever met, Andrea. You're so nice and giving and you're always there when someone needs you and I don't know h-how I got so lucky to meet a person like you." It was the honest truth. Andrea was flawless to him, while most of the other people in his life could be scumbags, including himself. She really was a beautiful person, both inside and out, and he couldn't be more grateful to have her here at moment like this.
Jeremy reached up and wiped a few tears from his eyes, starting to feel embarrassed. "S-sorry, I'm just way too emotional right now." He offered a trembling smile.
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Post by andi ! on Jan 16, 2009 16:00:53 GMT -5
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[/size] push me till i have to fly , i’ve shed my skin, my scars, so take me deep out past these lights, where nothing dims these stars[/center][/font] "You aren't assholes," she contradicted quietly, the weird tasting foreign on her tongue. She smiled softly as he complimented her, laughing lightly as color rose to her cheeks. "Well, thank you," she laughed, rather surprised. Jeremy had been afraid of ruining her day, but that comment had made her whole day better. No one had ever said that to her, and there was probably a good chance that he was just emotional and thankful that someone was there to comfort her. But still, it was nice. "I don't think you give yourself enough credit, though," she added, leaning into his side playfully.
She laughed at his apology, shaking her head. "Don't worry about it," she replied. Then an idea hit her. The carosel was slowing to a stop, and she jumped to her feet, a grin on her face. "I know what will cheer you up," she exclaimed happily, holding her hand out to the still seated blond boy.
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 16, 2009 20:51:44 GMT -5
The slowing motion of the carousel was becoming far too recognizable for Jeremy's taste. He wondered how many free rides he had taken, anyway. Hopefully no one had noticed. He looked up when Andrea stood to her feet, and then smiled a little more. "Really?" He questioned, and then got to his feet as well, bending over to pick up the food she set down earlier. "Almost forgot this." He held out her hot dog and drink, before glancing around at the crowds nearby. There were so many people around that he didn't understand how he got away with just sitting there and never getting off. Slowly he reached up and wiped at his wet eyes again.
"Y'know, the carousel's probably my favorite ride," He sniffled, making conversation as the carousel pulled to a final stop, and the children jumped off the painted ponies to ask their parents for more money. "That and the ferris wheel. The ones that just move in the same direction the whole time, that you can relax in... those are the good ones."
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Post by andi ! on Jan 16, 2009 21:11:15 GMT -5
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[/size] push me till i have to fly , i’ve shed my skin, my scars, so take me deep out past these lights, where nothing dims these stars[/center][/font] "Well, I know what I think will cheer you up. At least, I know it would cheer me up," she answered with a sheepish grin as Jeremy got to his feet. She giggled as he picked up her food, surprised by her own forgetfulness. "Thank you!" she exclaimed happily, taking the drink and the cup. But she wanted it to be a surprise, which would mean that he would have to close his eyes, and it would be hard to then lead him there when her hands were full. So she paused, taking a large bite of her hot dog as they descended the steps off of the merry-go-round. She was normally a rather slow eater, but apparently, she could turn it out when she needed to. She was nearly done when they were on level ground. She stopped at a garbage can near the exit, finishing the hot dog and throwing away the paper and napkins that had come with it, after wiping ketchup from her lips.
Andrea turned to Jeremy with a smile. She nodded her agreement to his statement, taking a sip of her soda. "I can't take anything that goes much faster," she agreed, briefly recalling the time a few months before when a friend had forced her to ride the Superman at Six Flags. She was sobbing when she got off, and went on kiddie rides the rest of the trip.
After checking to make sure that her hands were ketchup-free, she looked back at Jeremy. "It has to be a surprise, though. Because that makes it more exciting. So close your eyes!" She wondered briefly if her surprise would effectively cheer up anyone that, well, wasn't her. But honestly, she couldn't think of a reason why it wouldn't make someone else happy, though maybe not as happy as it would make her. Well, she'd see.
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 16, 2009 21:40:55 GMT -5
Jeremy raised his eyebrows. "Close my eyes?" He repeated, beginning to get more curious about what exactly the surprise was. Then he shrugged and proceeded to close his eyes, reaching out to gently grip her elbow so he'd know where he was walking and had less of a chance of running into a trash can or something.
"Just don't throw me into a ditch or anything, or I'll get you for it." He grinned. Now that his eyes were closed, he paid more attention to the smell and noises coming from his surroundings. He could hear carnival music mixed with people's screams and laughter, while the strong scent of hot dogs and nacho cheese hung in the air. Then he could faintly smell the sweet scent of Andrea beside him, and he wondered if she was wearing some sort of body spray or if it was just her shampoo.
"Do you use Bath and Body Works?" He asked after a moment, and then felt embarrassed. What a stupid and random question.
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Post by andi ! on Jan 16, 2009 21:53:28 GMT -5
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[/size] push me till i have to fly , i’ve shed my skin, my scars, so take me deep out past these lights, where nothing dims these stars[/center][/font] Andrea smiled widely at his question, nodding her head. "Yes, close your eyes!" She gave him a moment to get a hold on her elbow, took another sip of her drink, and slowly started leading him to the cotton candy stand. Her ingenious plan was to buy two cotton candies and a Freezie for him (she already had her Diet Coke, after all), and then lead him to the Ferris Wheel, which he already said he liked. And who couldn't like cotton candy? It was just sugary on a stick, and what could equivically brighten someone's day? It seemed like a perfect plan to her.
She giggled at his warning, rolling her eyes to herself. "Honestly, Jeremy. Do you think I would throw you in a ditch? I don't even think there's a ditch anywhere nearby. So first I'd have to find a ditch, and you'd probably get that something was up by how long that would take. And then I'd have to make sure there's a way for you to get out, because I wouldn't want to abandon you. Plus, I'm in heels, so running away would be an issue. Unless I left my shoes with you. But they're new and pretty and I like them." By the time she was done talking, they were at the cotton candy stand.
Another laugh escaped her lips at his question. "Pantene," she corrected, gently removing his hand from her elbow. She left him a few feet away, so he wouldn't overhear her order. "Keep your eyes closed, or an eagle is going to fly by and eat your hair. I'll be literally half a second." The line was short, so she was being honest. She ran up to the cotton candy stand, and returned a moment later balancing the order. She was holding the two paper cones in one hand, her Diet Coke was tucked under her other arm, and Jeremy's Freezie in that hand, careful not to drop anything (especially not the cotton candy).
Andrea held out her elbow, ready for stage two: Ferris Wheel. She was having far too much fun with this cheer-up-Jeremy operation. "Okay, lets go! Eyes still closed, please."
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 16, 2009 22:34:35 GMT -5
Jeremy nodded as she ran off for a minute, and he stood there silently with his eyes closed, wondering if passersby thought he was some sort of freak. He could smell something sugary in the air, so he figured they were near food. Oh god, if Andrea was getting junk food, he'd never be able to resist eating it.
Then she was back, and he took a slight hold of her elbow again, confused when they began to walk again. Where did they have to go now? "Just a warning, Andrea, if you take my to the fun house I think I might die. Those things scare the living crap out of me." He snickered, thinking of a time when he was young and took a look in a fun house mirror. His freaky looking reflection had made him sob the rest of the night. Good times.
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Post by andi ! on Jan 16, 2009 22:41:21 GMT -5
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[/size] push me till i have to fly , i’ve shed my skin, my scars, so take me deep out past these lights, where nothing dims these stars[/center][/font] Andrea laughed at his warning, shaking her head before realizing that he wouldn't be able to see it. "Don't worry, those things freak me out, too. I'd only take you there if, for some peverse reason, I wanted to put you in a worse mood." She frowned. "That would be mean."
And then they were there! Grinning, Andrea lowered her elbow. "Okay, open your eyes!" she exclaimed, shifting things around a moment in her arms so that she was holding out one cotton candy and a freezie, the Ferris Wheel behind her. "After you!" she stated, motioning to the open door of the next empty cart of the Ferris Wheel, a wide grin on her face.
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 16, 2009 23:03:10 GMT -5
Jeremy opened his eyes, the bright lights of the ferris wheel blinding him for a second or two. He blinked a couple of times before his vision adjusted again. A humongous grin appeared on his face. Andrea was so sweet he couldn't even believe it.
"You're seriously one of the coolest people I've ever met," He stated plainly, reaching out and taking the cotton candy and Freezie, forgetting all about his low-calorie diet. He felt like a little kid again, eager to inhale the sugar. Plus, the ferris wheel was a perfect place to sit down and eat it. They'd get a great view of the entire park! He entered the cart and turned to hold the little compartment door open for Andrea. "I'm going to have to pay you back for this food, though. I'll feel bad." He laughed, his blonde hair hanging in his face.
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