over and over, i fall for you. [open]

[asf!]

i’m safe, up high, nothing can touch me.
so why do i feel this party is over?

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It had only been a week. Had it even been that long? She wasn’t sure. It may have even been a bit longer. All she knew was that she was missing having plans every day with that cute little emo kid. People had always told her they were too hot and heavy for the amount of time they had been dating, but she always pushed it away. Sammie knew she didn’t love him. She thought it may have been something like lust. Wasn’t that one of the seven deadly sins? Sammie was a Christian, and she shook her head at the thought of it. Everyone came across lust at least once in their life. It was almost impossible not to ‘fall in lust’. She was only 15, she was sure she didn’t know what love is. At least, she was sure she didn’t know what the romantic kind of love was. She loved her mom. She loved her dad, no matter how much of an ass he was. Sammie loved Ben, Andrea, and Dasha. She loved Kyle too, but in a completely different way. She loved the way they were and the way he was. He had so many different moods she wasn’t even sure which one she had known. Talk about PMS!

Some times you just had to get away from everyone and everything. There were little reminders of the past everywhere she looked. She hated the past, and really hoped for another New Year’s Bonfire this year so she could burn a few things. It was a bit late for that, considering the damage she had done to a few of Kyle’s things. She remembered it like it was yesterday, only because it was. She had the drawings he had drawn her. They were drawings of him, her, and the two of them together. Some of them were just hearts, but no matter what they were they were reminders that continued to taunt her. She had been asleep, and the fan had blown one of them across her legs, startling her awake. Whenever she awoke to see the picture, she immediately jumped out of bed and ripped it up into the garbage can.

Sammie’s psychologist had requested a private dorm for her this year because she needed space to completely heal. She couldn’t be bothered by a room mate, become stressed, and start cutting again. It just wasn’t possible for her after all of the progress she had made. She had thanked her psychologist that night, knowing exactly what she needed to do to stop her from cutting that night. She had shoved everything off of her dresser angrily, staring at her trembling body in the mirror. Sammie had tried to tell herself so many times that she hadn’t made a mistake, but now she kept thinking she did. Not for herself, but for Kyle. He was probably dead for all she knew. Suicidal thoughts were a bitch, and usually you couldn’t stop them, especially if the one thing that kept you from the edge was gone.

She had to get rid of all the memories. With that, she had his sweatshirt and his drawings. Sammie dropped them all in a garbage can and covered them with the lid, throwing it outside the door. She couldn’t part with the plastic bubble gum machine ring. It was too hard. It still had its mark on her ring finger on the left hand. Sammie admired the ring, putting her hand out and staring at it for a minute. She put her hand back in her lap, going back to her original stance.

Her hand was wrapped around the spoon, twirling it in the coffee mug. Her hot chocolate had small marshmallows all through it, which she hated. Her eyes followed the swirls in the hot liquid, hoping the marshmallows would melt and her drink would cool. She focused on the ripples, blocking out everybody around her. The single life was definitely fun.

[/blockquote]

[andi !]

*

[/size] everything i've been collecting ,

some might argue, out with the old
in with the new, but i can't choose what to lose
[/center][/font]

Normally, Andrea couldn't be said to have anything resembling a one-track mind. Her thoughts were typically a nonsensical blur, jumping in what her friends would diagnose to be an ADHD fashion from one train of thought to the next. She couldn't not think; it was her vice. In gym a few years back, her class had done a sort of yoga session, and they had been told to "clear their minds, focus on their bodies." Andrea had found it utterly impossible. It had worked for maybe a second, and then she would go off on some internal tangent withouth even meaning to: Why am I not supposed to think? Isn't thinking more productive than lying here on the gross floor? I mean, I could be doing any number of things instead of lying on the floor, catching disease and 'not thinking.' How do you not think? I don't get it! Okay, don't think, don't think... Stop thinking! I wonder what they're serving for lunch today...

Her thoughts normally read more like that: A jumbled mess, much like what came out of her mouth much of the time. But that wasn't the case this moment. Her thoughts were a bit more like this: Hot chocolate, hot chocolate, hot chocolate! I really want a hot chocolate. Oh look, the coffee shop! Hot chocolate. Oh, whipped cream! Wow, it smells good in here. Like hot chocolate! A much more directed line of thought.

She pushed open the door, a determined look on her face as she strode over to the end of the short line, rifling through her blue bag in search of her wallet. She came up with it soon enough, extracting the red pouch and opening the clasp, removing a five dollar bill. Andrea got hot chocolate here enough to have memorized the exact price of a medium hot chocolate with whipped cream, which happened to be three twenty-seven. So she fished a quarter and two pennies from her wallet as well, rising to her tip toes in anticipation. She really wanted that hot chocolate.

"Can I have a medium hot chocolate with whip, please?" she requested when her turn came, a wide smile on her features. She held out the money before the woman behind the register even read out the price, catching her slightly off guard. She rapidly handed Andrea her two dollars change and started on the next customer as a twenty-something-year-old boy prepared her drink.

She took her drink from the boy moments later with an energetic "Thank you!" Andrea didn't have any plans on that particular chilly Sunday afternoon. So she walked slowly towards the door, looking around. Her plan had been to go back to her dorm and watch House (she could thank the ever-disappearing Curly for her new obsession), but she paused when she saw Sammie seated towards the other end of the small shop. Beaming, she startd over as slyly as she could manage, trying hard to not attract attention to herself. After nearly tripping and almost walking into an older man, thus undermining her sneaky-attempts, she sat down across from her friend with an unsure "Boo?" and a giggle.
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[asf!]

i’m safe, up high, nothing can touch me.
so why do i feel this party is over?

[/color][/font][/size][/left]

Sammie kept on twirling the spoon, hoping the movement of the hot liquid would cool it down a bit. She didn’t want to burn her tongue. She’d probably end up cursing the entire Coffee Shop and storming out if that happened. Her short temper had seemed to have gotten even shorter over the summer. Her eyes followed the slow ripples, completely ignoring everything else around her. She hadn’t even noticed Andrea almost bump into an older guy, so the inquiring Boo had actually just about scared her shitless.

She glanced up, her eyes wide. The intensity of her stare lessened when she noticed who it was. Finally, there was someone who wouldn’t judge her on her decisions or make her talk about her problems. Andrea had always been one of her closer friends. She could always cheer Sammie up no matter how upset she was, and that was what she hoped Andrea intended to do today. Sammie gave a shy half-smile, but it slowly grew into her regular famous grin. She chuckled at Andrea’s attempt to scare her, which had surprisingly worked.

”You know, you’re just the person I was thinking about looking for!” Sammie exclaimed with a laugh. She moved her cup aside, leaning over the table and giving Andrea a gentle hug. “I can’t believe I haven’t seen you yet and we’ve been in school for like, a week and a half. Then again I’ve been kind of focused on other stuff, but it still surprises me!” She chuckled, picking up her mug and taking a sip out of it, finally satisfied with the temperature of her chocolaty drink.

It took her a minute to regain composure before continuing to speak. “How was your summer? By the way, you gorgeous thing, I’m envious of you. You get prettier every day! I barely recognized you.” Sammie admitted sheepishly.

[ooc:] sorry for the crap ):

[/blockquote]
[/size][/blockquote]

[andi !]

*

[/size] everything i've been collecting ,

some might argue, out with the old
in with the new, but i can't choose what to lose
[/center][/font]
She had actually scared Sammie? What?! Andrea sat for a moment, stunned, then grinned. "I actually scared you!" she exclaimed incredulously, a fit of giggles erupting from between her lips. And she had doubted her scaring skills! What a silly thing for her to do; she was clearly the scariest thing since... sliced bread. Oh, wait, that's not the saying. The scariest thing since... something really scary. So there!

She laughed lightly as Sammie spoke, returning the girl's hug happily. "Well, look no further! It's like you summoned me, or something," she said with a laugh as she pulled away from the hug, reaching for the hot chocolate she had palced on the surface of the table. Warily, she took a sip, recoiling slightly from the sheer heat as it spilled into her mouth, down her throat. She swallowed, then blew into the opening of the lid in a futile attempt at cooling its contents. Perhaps a break from the drink? Smiling slightly, she set the drink carefully back onto the table, then leaned back and offered Sammie a grin.

"I know!" she exclaimed, frowning. "I haven't seen you in far too long, chica. What have you been focused on?" she asked curiously, eyeing her temporarily abandoned drink with catious eyes. Maybe a few moments longer...

Andrea smiled widely as Sammie went on to ask about her summer, her grin trasnforming into a sheepish, flushing grin as the girl offered a compliment. "You silly," she chuckled, sticking her tongue out in a teasing fashion. "Thanks. My summer was... boring." She shrugged. "How was yours?" Now, for another try. She reached forward, wrapping both hands around the warm coffee cup. She swirled it around once or twice, then took another catious sip, this time with less catastrophic reprecussions. The temperature was still rather above her comfort level, but much more tolerable. grinning to herself as she swallowed, she took another sip before replacing the cup on the table.
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[asf!]

i’m safe, up high, nothing can touch me.
so why do i feel this party is over?

[/color][/font][/size][/left]

Sammie chuckled at Andrea’s excitement to scaring her. She hadn’t expected Andrea, and she hadn’t been paying attention. It wasn’t unusual for somebody to scare Sammie anyway. She was a rather skittish girl when it came right down to it. “You sure did. I don’t think you deserve an award for it though. People scare me easily.” She explained with a soft laugh. Some things didn’t change, like the way Sammie and Andrea got along. That was something she hoped wouldn’t change.

”I’ve never summoned somebody before! I need to alert the media. Oh I can see it in the newspaper now, Andrea. ‘Samantha Walsh summons Andrea Goodman with her psychic warp!’” She shook her head, picking up the mug and taking another sip. “I’m a real nerd, you know that?”

What had she been focused on? Sammie sighed, not feeling entirely comfortable talking about the subject yet. After all, who hadn’t heard the entire fury between Kyle, Ben, and Sammie? She guessed Andrea hadn’t, giving a small half smile. She slowly began, feeling the fear building up in her chest from talking about it. “Kyle and I – We broke up; Well more like I broke up with him. He has schizophrenia. I don’t even really know what that is, but he has it.” She paused, placing the mug on the table again.

”Anyway, he never took a full dose of his medication for it. It kind of scared me, because he would always seem so on edge. The way I explained it to Ben – “ She stopped herself, remembering the situation between the two. “Sorry for mentioning him.. The way I explained it to him was like if I did the wrong thing, he would slip through my hands like sand. I’ve made mistakes before and he’s taken me back, but I really just needed a break.”

For a second, she felt a bit better talking about the situation. It was like if she didn’t talk about it, she felt afraid of everything. Talking about it made her more aware of her surroundings. “I know nobody really believes that. The whole excuse I just gave you? It’s not true…” She bit down on her bottom lip, glancing down at her feet before lifting her head and looking at Andrea again.

She tapped her fingers on the table before explaining, trying to stall. “I really just think we were moving too fast. It was great; he was great. He treated me like a queen, but we had talked about marriage before, and – and about how our kids were going to look and the names. Andrea, I just needed to be away from him and I can’t tell anyone else that because I don’t think they’d get it! They’d think I was selfish.”

The feeling of greatness had disappeared within seconds of explaining the real reason as to why she left him. Sammie was panicked. She took a deep breath, calming herself before giving her friend a smile. “It was boring too. I was with a new foster family. Woo hoo?”

[/blockquote]

[andi !]

*

[/size] everything i've been collecting ,

some might argue, out with the old
in with the new, but i can't choose what to lose
[/center][/font]

Andrea laughed as Sammie spoke about how she had been scared, looking rather pleased with herself. ”Orrrr, I’m just super scary!” She liked her alternative version to why Sammie had been scared a bit better. During the past year, back at her old public school, she had tried similar surprise attacks on her friends, all to no avail. They laughed, saying that she couldn’t possibly scare anyone. So, she had done her best to convince them that she was a force to be reckoned with, a frightening individual when she so choose to be. This hadn’t worked as planned, but at least she had proven herself and her scare-ability to someone!

A giggle escaped her lips. ”You’re magical, Samantha Walsh!” she exclaimed, beaming. ”Don’t worry, I’m just as big a nerd, if not bigger,” she assured her friend with a smile. She reached for her cup, taking another precarious sip. Ah, much better. Now she took a larger down, fully satisfied with the temperature of her rich hot chocolate. A wide, content smile rested on her features as she set the cup down again, leaning back in her chair, crossing her right leg over her left and facing Sammie.

She cocked her head curiously to the side as Sammie hesitated, then spoke. She almost interjected with a well-read definition of schizophrenia, but figured that it was out of place. She could enlighten Sammie onto every nuance of the psychotic disorder that she knew later, if she was interested; no need to delve into that now. It would probably deter Sammie from going on with her story, which Andrea did not want to do. So she stayed quiet, listening intently, a sympathetic frown on her face.

Insert internal wince here. She tried to act like his name hadn’t phased her in the slightest, but the anxious way her top teeth were digging into the flesh of her lower lip probably gave her away. But again, she let it slip past, let Sammie continue uninterrupted. They were talking about Sammie now, after all. No need for the spotlight to focus, to selfishly start inquiring about Ben. God, no.

She smiled slightly as Sammie confessed that her excuse hadn’t been entirely true. Andrea probably would have fallen for it if Sammie hadn’t corrected herself. She was too gullible for her own good, really. She leaned forward, giving Sammie a slightly awkward hug over the table, careful to not knock over either of their drinks – knowing her coordination, both drinks would wind up in her lap if she wasn’t explicitly careful ”You’re not selfish, Sammie,” she answered, a thoughtful frown on her face. ”We’re young, too young to be thinking about… marriage, and kids. I’d be scared, too. Because it doesn’t make sense to plan out your life just yet. And the chances of staying with some guy you dated in high school that long, of marrying him… slim to none. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends. But if you were that scared, then you probably don’t want to be with him at all. I don’t mean long term, I mean for now. Because I know, when you’re with a guy, and you really, really like him and like being with him, then being with him forever… It seems stupid and unrealistic and maybe a little scary, but not so scary that you’d want to end it. Maybe that means you’re better off as friends.” She stopped, then smiled. ”Sometimes I think I just talk to hear the sound of my own voice,” she said with a chuckle, sure that her ‘advice’ had been of no service whatsoever.

”Well, here’s to boring summers,” she stated with a faint smile, lifting her drink in a mock sort of toast before taking a small sip.[/blockquote][/font][/color][/size]

[asf!]

i’m safe, up high, nothing can touch me.
so why do i feel this party is over?

[/color][/font][/size][/left]

Sammie could feel the tangent boiling in her system. She knew she was pissed off; she wanted to just run up to Kyle and scream. She didn’t have to say anything, just scream. The scream would be enough to trigger her rant, and she’d be able to tell him about everything he’d ever done to her. Maybe he’d understand. There weren’t voices in her head. She knew that was hard, but she had her own voice. Her own voice all along was telling her to get the fuck out of that relationship, but she just stayed in it like a helpless child. Sammie didn’t even know if it could be considered a relationship. He wasn’t her first kiss, of course not, but he was the first kiss that meant something. He was the first boy that kept her in line, that kept her away from the blade. He was hers. He was all hers.

It hurt to say he wasn’t hers anymore, she wouldn’t lie about that. Of course she’d get over him eventually, she was sure of it. It wasn’t as easy as she had hoped it to be. She leaned into Andrea’s hug, not completely aware. She looked up at Andrea, taking a deep breath and trying to take in everything she had said. It was hard to take in that someone at one point that she thought she would marry was completely just gone from her life forever. She remembered the dance. It wasn’t a vague memory; it was one of those memories that were like daggers piercing through her flesh. Sammie wanted her rubber band back. She wanted it back now. She wanted the blade back. She wanted it to pierce her like the memories of Kyle were. Sammie shook her head. No she didn’t. She didn’t want the blade. She wasn’t allowed to have any of that back.

”Andrea I don’t know what love is. I always think, you know, that I did – or that I do. I know love is something you discover wh-when you get older. It’s not. You don’t find it until you really want to find it. I don’t want to find it now. Or do I? I’m just so confused.” Sammie muttered, laying her head down on the table. “Wake me when the year is over.”

[/blockquote]

[andi !]

*

[/size] everything i've been collecting ,

some might argue, out with the old
in with the new, but i can't choose what to lose
[/center][/font]

Andrea leaned back in her chair, uncrossing her legs and recrossing them in the opposite order - left over right instead of right over left. She sipped thoughtfully at her drink as Sammie spoke, head tilted slightly to her right. "Love's funny," she mused with a chuckle, "Because it's something entirely different to different people." She shrugged the thought off and smiled. To her, what Sammie had been describing was true love, not plain old love. In her mind, love was plenty of things. It wasn't something exclusive, meant for one person and only when she was ready. Love could be puppy love or innocent love or love for her friends. What Sammie had been talking about, the kind of love that you have to be ready for and find... That to her was true love. That idea kind of frightened her. She believed in true love; what girl with an active imagination and a passion for romance movies didn't? But it intimidated her.

She reached across the table as Sammie lay her head on its surface, gently patting the top of her friend's head. "You'd miss an awful lot sleeping through sophomore year," she chided with a giggle.
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[asf!]

i’m safe, up high, nothing can touch me.
so why do i feel this party is over?

[/color][/font][/size][/left]

“It is different.” Sammie thought out loud, tapping her spoon against the mug and setting it down on the napkin beside of it. She perked her head up slowly, after being patted and grinned at Andrea. She picked up the warm mug, bringing the liquid to her lips and sipping at it contently. “It’s different because we all find it in different ways or at least think we find it. Not only find it, but think about it. Some people don’t believe in it at all." She placed the mug back down on the table, letting her hands fall into her lap. Sammie copied Andrea’s motion of switching legs, chuckling a bit. Her eyes darted to the spoon on the napkin, and she wiped it clear of its contents.

She shrugged. “I’d honestly like to sleep through it. Except for seeing you, because you’re not some stuck up judgmental freak or anything.” Sammie said rather sheepishly. She glanced down at her hands in her lap, twiddling her thumbs. “It’s just sometimes I miss him, you know?” She paused, uncrossing her legs and scooting closer to the table so she could stir her hot chocolate some more. “Then there’s that little scared part of me that’s so happy to be single again.” Sammie said softly, looking up from the drink to Andrea. “Sorry. I hate to rant about this kind of stuff, but it just kind of comes out.”

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