silly things called emotions;

[ashingliee]

The Prodigy's Feelings

Everyone has feelings. Devin just seems to be one of the students at the school that has no real desire to outright share them to his peers. He appears seemingly perfect with each brilliant smile he constructs. The multi-talented, only fifteen year old boy, seems to be okay with almost anything. It's hard to get this child to speak his true emotions. The boy sets up a wall of fake feelings to counter the common reactions of people. Quietness, respectfulness, courteousy, and politeness, naturally pulling in his string of proper manners. From time to time, it is likely to see him act like the true snob he really is. It is true that he thinks he's better than everyone else in this town, but it would take a heart beat for him to change his complete outlook on everyone and share his feelings for just one true friend.

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[ashingliee]

Dear Mr. Sacramento,

Uh, not too much has happened. Just the same old, same old. I'm really writing in you because I'm just about to attend Stewart's welcoming dance for the upcoming year. Happy New Years, by the way, Mr. Sacramento. Yes, I will be addressing you continuously because I like to think that I'm actually writing to someone when I'm pouring out my feelings in this particular tree. Anyways, Eric was just seconds away from beating the shit out of me when I interrupted his ravishing performance on the piano, telling him that I didn't want to play anymore. Why do I have to be so mean and cruel to my brother? Some times I speak out against him because I know the only thing he will do is hit me... is that so wrong to think? Isn't that just a horrible mentality to carry around? I believe so.

I need help. I need a lot of help. I don't think it is Frankie who is mentally ill, I believe it is me. My random outburts against my brother only cause me to get more and more crazier. He tells me this and I believe so. Do you think so too, Mr. Sacramento? I have no idea what to think of myself. I hate everything of my physical appearance. I don't purge as much as I do anymore because I'm always around others, such as faculty members, and other volunteer workers. We would eat lunch on the weekends while working on some project or have an early dinner at the school, and it'll just get too suspicious. I never put on any weight, my torso is very skinny and I still fit in a double zero girl pants. Maybe I don't have to keep damaging my body like I keep doing. Even if I don't, Eric or uncle will. Cynthia is an angel. She doesn't have the brain capacity to physically harm anyone or anything. Some times I wish I were just as naive and dumb like her. Unknowing to the world's evils and refusing to accept the concept of death. She still believes her mother is out there even after watching her last breath. It's sad... I can't bare to hear her say those things. I snap some times and I'll yell at her and in the end I'll do something nice for her, like knit her a pink sweater, to make her feel better.

Mr. Sacramento, please share my thoughts and feelings on this topic. My brother abuses me, does he not? Is it just me? Am I just really an ingorant and rude person to him? I try so hard, more than anyone else to impress him and to do my best for him in whatever it is. I'll dedicate an immense amount of effort to refer him and reccommend him for a variety of activites. He has to win the Student Body Election. If he doesn't... then... I think even I'll be heart broken. I know that Eric does things that aren't right to me, but I strongly believe that he'll put the entire Student Body and the school before his feelings. He doesn't blow up in front of people. He'd do his absolute best for the school. I know he'd make a great President... I don't know anyone else who will take on the responsibilites as straightforward as he would. If anyone were to read my diaries and read how he treats me and abuses me, he'd be thrown out of the student council, dropped from all sports activies, and as soon as he turned eighteen, would probably be thrown in jail and I'd be in some orphanage since my uncle does the same. I've grown up with this all of my life. I don't know anything else. Poor Cynthia, though.. the first time I saw her get chastise by uncle, I felt horrible she would have to share my emotional pain. It's not fair. Some one so good like Cynthia shouldn't be living in this household. She shouldn't be living as a perfect 'Johnson,' with restricted liberties and an expotential amount of pressure.

I've got to get ready for the dance. If I keep Eric waiting too long he'd surely have my head. I've also been accepted to be a part of a Tech crew, like the stage crew, and do whatever I can for the Beauty and the Beast play while Eric auditions and tries out for the Beast role. I'm not too fond of the teacher and his interactions with Chandler, a young student that will be trying out for Beauty and is probably going to get it with the way Mr. Smith is looking at her... what is really going on between the two? I have to report Eric this, and Evan! Probably Evan first, to see his reaction. I don't know! See ya soon, Mr. Sacramento! I'll tell you all about the dance and what happens! Eric is going to meet Evan tonight.
Until more days arrive...

-Devin Johnson