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Post by _bjscw on Dec 18, 2008 23:17:53 GMT -5
Smoking was the best stress reliever known to mankind, or at least in Connor Knight's opinion. Somehow, inhaling tobacco into his body gave him the feeling of freedom and carelessness. When he was feeling troubled, all he had to do was whip out a small cigarette, and he knew he could make himself feel better. The consequences didn't matter - wheezing and coughing later, or his breath smelling like an ashtray. Connor could literally feel the stress being lifted off of his shoulders when he took in the smoke, and he was suddenly light as a feather.
He used to smoke at the back of the school in the middle of the nights, but some new kids to the school had taken his spot this year, so they could make out and do other intimate things in private. Watching them made him feel sick. Not because it was public display of affection, but because he knew he could never go that far anymore. Connor was officially limited - prevented from doing the one thing in his life that made him feel power and control. The only thing that came close to giving him that was smoking. That was why he did it so frequently now.
Anyways, so because of those annoying kids, he had been forced to retreat to the rooftop at night instead. It actually ended up being a better place for it. Now he didn't have to worry about teachers taking a midnight stroll and possibly catching him. Sure, sometimes students came up here thinking they could relax by themselves, but when they noticed Connor they would usually split the scene. Not a lot of people took the chance of being near him anymore. It was as if the HIV could be spread to them by a simple look of the eyes.
But it was all for the better that they were scared; it simply meant Connor was allowed to be all by his lonesome, taking long drags of a stick that was intent on destroying his lungs.
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Post by rcbcbsn. (ℓ) on Dec 21, 2008 2:14:16 GMT -5
 *[/color] the world is ugly ,[/size][/font] - - - - - - - - - but you are beautiful to me .[/size][/center] the rooftop wasn't a place that shay had been... ever. during her years at stewart she had just never found a reason for her to go up there. it's not like there was anything exciting about the rooftop. it was a rooftop. it was all paved and boring and you were just really high up and could look at the school grounds. that was it. the idea of hanging out up there, away from prying eyes didn't really appeal to shay either. if she wanted to be away from prying eyes, she headed to her dorm room, or off campus. but tonight shay was restless. she couldn't sleep. it was like she had restless leg syndrome or something - every time she started to drift off into sleep, her brain made her get up and do something unnecessary. like check to make sure she had remember to buy replacement lead for her pencils in case she ran out of some in class. and then, shay just decided to give up on trying to get to sleep. it clearly wasn't going to happen anytime soon. so, in the spirit of being nice to her roommate, shay had left her dorm wearing her pyjamas to wander until she felt sleepy enough to actually sleep.
shay had set out with the intention of heading to the student lounge, where the was a tv to lull her to sleep and a blanket and a comfy couch she could crash on. but something was drawing her away from the student lounge. shay didn't particularly care all that much, she just let her feet carry her wherever they wanted to carry her. naturally, shay ended up at the door to the rooftop. after a moments hesitation, she pulled open the heavy door and started up the staircase. when she reached the top and stepped outside, a shiver ran through her body and she wished that she had put on a sweater before leaving her room, even though she had no logical reason to do such a thing. but it was cold up on the roof, and shay was only wearing a tank top. she was thinking about turning around and going back inside when she spotted connor. instantly, her entire face lit up.
it had been two months since shay had said goodbye to connor for the summer. it had been two long months of not seeing him. sure, they had talked on the phone a couple of times, but shay had spent most of the summer up at her family's cottage and hadn't been able to talk to him as much as she wanted to. and then since their arrival back to school, they hadn't been able to get together. the first week back was always hectic and irritating in that way. but now it seemed like they wouldn't have to co-ordinate their schedules enough to meet up. he was here and she was here. finally, after two long months, he was right in front of her. "connor," shay said, the happiness evident in her voice. and then she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around him as if she never wanted to let him go. she didn't ever want to let him go. smiling, shay pressed her face into him. "i missed you so much."
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Post by _bjscw on Dec 21, 2008 11:12:31 GMT -5
Connor initially believed he was hallucinating when Shay's silhouette appeared in front of him on the dark roof. Maybe all this smoking really was driving him insane; he was seeing things! But then she spoke, and he knew that his imagination could never imitate her voice so perfectly. It was the real thing - the real Shay.
"Oh my god," He whispered, a weird emotion swelling inside of him. It was the feeling he always got when he was around her, and it felt so new after being apart for so long. When she moved forward and wrapped her arms around him, he instinctively did the same to her. He held her tightly, practically squeezing her, as if he would lose her if he were to let go. His eyes began to sting and he realized tears were building up. Oh shit. He was going to cry he was so happy. He was going to cry.
"I missed you too. I missed you too." Connor murmured endlessly, burying his face in her hair, and pressing soft kisses to her head. He had no idea he would feel this joyful upon seeing her again. But it was like seeing a lighthouse after a long stormy night at sea.
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Post by rcbcbsn. (ℓ) on Dec 23, 2008 0:31:32 GMT -5
* [/color] the world is ugly ,[/size][/font] - - - - - - - - - but you are beautiful to me .[/size][/center] shay probably could have peed from happiness right there. she had been waiting for so long to be able to reunite with connor and she had finally been able to do so. the pair definitely had a flawed relationship, but shay didn't care. she was just so painfully happy to be with him again. to have his arms wrapped around her, to have him touching her, to have him whispering in her ear. shay had been waiting all summer for this kind of thing. and now she was finally getting it. the contact was what she had missed most. phone calls didn't cut it. they didn't express anything as well as being in the presence of each other. their relationship was mostly physical - not much was actually spoken out loud. every feeling was conveyed by the way he held her and the way he kissed her. at least, that was the way that shay viewed things as. when she was with connor, she didn't have a doubt in her mind about them. when they were apart, though, she had nothing to reassure her. it wasn't a feeling that she enjoyed very much.
with a huge smile on her face, shay pressed her face into connor's chest, holding him just as tightly as he was holding her. she breathed in deep, savouring his smell - sweet smoke mixed with his cologne. it smelt like heaven to her. standing there, shay didn't want the moment to end. she wanted to just stay with him there forever. at that moment, standing on a rooftop of her home or the past two years, shay felt invincible; like nothing could touch them. up on the roof there was nothing there to affect them in anyway. it was just shay and connor; they could very easily forget about everything and just stay up there forever. shay wished she could. they would never have to worry about anything ever again. the thought of being worry-free appealed to shay. the past few months had been full of nothing but worry - shay was always so worried and connor and what he was going through. part of her wished that she could be going through it with him. but the other, much larger part, was glad that she wasn't.
"i never want to be away from you that long ever again, okay?" shay murmured, still buried in him. the only downside of that was that there wouldn't ever been any reunions like this. and quite honestly, shay was enjoying it. she was so happy that her heart could have burst or she could have grown wings and flown. "never that long again, ever."
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Post by _bjscw on Dec 23, 2008 0:59:55 GMT -5
"Never again," Connor whispered in agreement, still kissing her head repeatedly. Her hair smelled like sweet shampoo, and it only fueled his happiness even more. Shay was right - being apart was absolutely terrible. The summer was complete torture without her, and it only made him realize how much he loved her, if he didn't know it already. Now that he had her in his arms, he didn't want to lose her ever again. Separation was an awful thing. He didn't even care that he might seem clingy. He just couldn't stand being so far like that again.
Finally, Connor lifted his face and peered down into her beautiful eyes. A solemn smile rested upon his lips, and his pupils sparkled with tears on the brim. He couldn't believe this insane joy that came with seeing her again. It was practically unreal. "I love you. I love you so much."
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Post by rcbcbsn. (ℓ) on Dec 27, 2008 0:57:50 GMT -5
* [/color] the world is ugly ,[/size][/font] - - - - - - - - - but you are beautiful to me .[/size][/center] Shay's smile couldn't possibly get any wider. Connor felt the exact same way as her and that made her so ridiculously happy. Perfectly content in the moment, Shay pulled herself closer in Connor, trying to meld their bodies together as much as possible. Ever since Connor had found out about his HIV, they hadn't been able to get as close as they had when they had started their... special relationship. They seemed to be working backwards - they had started off by going all the way and slowly moved backwards become less (or rather, more in a different way) intimate. Part of Shay longed for those days when they could get that close, just the pair of them in what most people referred to a beautiful and natural act. At first, after they had found out that Connor was sick and Shay was not, she still try to push it. She said she didn't care, they could take extra precautions and everything would be fine. But Connor wouldn't give in. And it had frustrated the hell out of Shay.
Of course, now she realized that Connor had only been trying to protect her. He didn't want her to be put at such a high risk. Since that realization, Shay had backed off considerable. She no longer brought the subject up. Instead, she settled for holding his hand, kissing him and curling up and snuggling with him. "I love you more." Shay murmured, angling her head to look up at him. With a silly grin, Shay reached up and pulled Connor's head down towards hers and kissed him full on the mouth. And it wasn't some kind of 'I missed you' kiss - it fell more along the lines of an 'I missed seeing you and kissing you so let me kiss you until both our faces fall off' kind of kiss. Shay really had missed kissing him, too. When she kissed him, she felt complete and total bliss. Like she was exactly where she needed to be. It was unpleasant spending two months away from that.
When Shay finally pulled away from the kiss, she wrapped her arms around Connor's neck and pressed her face back into his chest. "Can you make time stop, please? So we can stay right here forever."
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Post by _bjscw on Dec 27, 2008 2:03:48 GMT -5
His lips tingled from the pleasuring kiss Shay had given him, and he decided then that he never wanted to kiss another person as long as he lived. Sure, this was usually a thing that one would decide when they were much older and found the one that they truly loved and wanted to marry, but Connor didn't have to be a complete adult to know that Shay was the one. If he had learned one thing from getting HIV, it was that you couldn't just sit around and waste your life - you had to seize the day. Connor realized during the summer that he wasn't doing shit in his life correctly, and he needed to start to truly live.
Shay was who he wanted. There was no way any other person in the world could give him the incredible feeling in his heart that she did. In that kiss that she gave him, he decided that she was the only person he ever wanted to be with for the rest of his life. He didn't know if she felt the same way, but he was pretty damn secure about his side of the deal.
Connor laughed happily, a small flush appearing on his face for the first time in weeks. "I wish I could make time stop. But unfortunately, I'm just not magical enough to do that." He grinned, tangling his fingers in her hair.
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Post by rcbcbsn. (ℓ) on Jan 3, 2009 20:49:03 GMT -5
* [/color] the world is ugly ,[/size][/font] - - - - - - - - - but you are beautiful to me .[/size][/center] Shay definitely felt the same way as Connor did. She had realized that a long time ago - probably about the time where she had to take a pregnancy test. The sixteen year old had been a little disappointed when the test came out negative, even more so when she learned of Connor's... condition. Them staying together would mean that they wouldn't be able to have kids, but Shay would give that up for him. After all, Connor had done the impossible - made her fall in love. Absolutely head over heels in love. Yes, Shay had cared about Alec a lot, but she hadn't loved him. Not like she loved Connor. And besides, they could always adopt when they were older. Help a kid who needed it out. That would be okay with her, as long as she got to spend that time with Connor.
Shay pulled away a little, looking up at him with a smile. Her hands reached up, stoking the side of his face gently. "Its so good to see you smile, baby." Shay murmured, rising up on her toes to kiss him again. "I missed it." At that point, when Connor told her that he wasn't magic enough to stop time for them, she pouted a little. He should be magic enough to do that. A small sigh slipped passed her lips. "Alright, I guess I can settle for you just staying with me and keeping me warm." Shay said with a big grin.
[ooc|| this sucks, sorry. DD: ]
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 8, 2009 23:52:37 GMT -5
Connor still ran his fingers through her hair, twisting the strands in all sorts of directions and letting his heart soar extraordinarily. Shay was the reason he was going to live, the reason why he would force himself to take his medication with no complaints, the reason why he was no longer going to sit around and mope about his HIV. Now all of his actions seemed utterly stupid to him - why had he been wasting his life away when he still had all this time left that he could be spending with his dear Shay?
He hesitated for a moment, and then took in a deep breath.
"Shay... can I tell you something personal?" He asked in an uncertain tone, wondering if this was even the right time for this. Probably not, but Connor didn't feel like keeping any secrets from Shay anymore. He wanted to let her in on his mind, let her see what he was thinking completely and why. Connor was ready for that, and he refused to keep his past quiet from Shay. "I mean, it's something that happened a long time ago. It shouldn't even bother me anymore, but I guess it still does sometimes..." Slight pause.
"I want to tell you though, because I trust you. I want to be able to prove to you and myself that I can let you know anything and never regret it." His hand stopped idly in her hair. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone else, of course."
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Post by rcbcbsn. (ℓ) on Jan 22, 2009 14:51:04 GMT -5
* [/color] the world is ugly ,[/size][/font] - - - - - - - - - but you are beautiful to me .[/size][/center] Shay was in heaven, pure bliss. Why she had ever thought about leaving Connor previously, she didn't know. Because standing on the rooftop with the dark sky and stars above them with Connor's arms around her... it was perfection. It was the perfect reunion for the lovers who had never quite been in the same place at the same time. Now, though, the both seemed to be prepared for a simple relationship. They needed that after the past two years they had been together. What with the secrecy, then being found out, followed by Shay's pregnancy scare and then Connor's HIV. It was strange to think about all the happened between them. It had been so important to them when they had been going through it, but now Shay didn't even know why.
And at the same time, Shay found the whole situation kind of ironic. When Shay had reached out to Connor, she had been trying to escape the monotony of her relationship with Alec. She wanted more excitement. Now Connor and herself had become that monotonous couple. It was strange. But felt right. Everything felt right with Connor. Even just holding his hand felt better than anything else.
The girl stepped back a bit, looking up at the boy. God, he was so beautiful, even in his sickness. "Of course you can. You can tell me anything." She said, a slight look of worry crossing her features. Vaguely, she wondered what was it that could be bothering him. Mostly, though, she was kind of hurt that Connor even had to ask if he could tell her something personal. Shay thought it was a given that Connor could tell her anything. But apparently not. "What is it?" She asked quietly, biting her lip as she looked up at him.
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 23, 2009 16:00:02 GMT -5
Connor took another deep breath, forcing himself to look directly into Shay's eyes. He didn't want to look awkwardly off to the side or something while he was telling her this. He wanted to get his message across clearly, without any misunderstandings or unnecessary worry involved.
"When I was little, I wasn't so... stupid. I mean, I didn't use to be the sex-crazed maniac bitch that I've been the past few years," He smiled weakly, his thumb coming down to stroke the bottom of her cheek. "I used to be a normal little kid. I did my homework, listened to my parents, went to bed early... I was obedient and shit." Connor wanted to laugh at how much he had changed since then, but he couldn't find the strength inside to do it.
"And then I reached sixth grade and I had this teacher. I was kind of a kiss-up, so I always stayed after school and helped him out with stuff, whether it be cleaning the classroom or organizing his desk." Now his voice was beginning to quiver, and his throat kept getting caught up. But he urged himself to keep going. "One day my teacher asked me to stay after school and help with him something. I did, thinking it'd be just like any other day..."
He trailed off, hesitating about how Shay might react. Connor didn't want her to flip out or anything. He also didn't want her to be grossed out with him, either - but that didn't seem likely at this point in their relationship. He didn't want to have to worry about what she'd do, though. He needed to trust her, and this was the ultimate sign of faith if he could tell her this. He had never even told his parents about this. Connor was always in denial; this was something he thought he'd never bring up in his life again. And now here he was, about to spill his guts to Shay.
"He made me suck him off." Connor said quickly and plainly, almost so quickly that Shay might not comprehend it correctly. He slowed his voice down. "I mean, he just pushed me down and forced me on him, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. The door to the room was locked, and he was a lot stronger than me, seeing as I was only in fifth grade." The words came tumbling out of him; he was saying a lot more than he had planned to say. Now that he started talking about it, he couldn't stop himself. "And I never told anyone, not anyone, because... I don't even know why I didn't. I just couldn't. I was too embarrassed and ashamed and all that junk."
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Post by rcbcbsn. (ℓ) on Jan 29, 2009 23:06:42 GMT -5
* [/color] the world is ugly ,[/size][/font] - - - - - - - - - but you are beautiful to me .[/size][/center] Shay looked up at Connor with a small smirk. "You, obedient? That's something that I'd like to see." She joked, stroking the back of his neck gently. Connor had to be one of the most abstinent person she'd ever met. Although presumably less so with her than other people, but that wasn't the point. In all honesty, the thought of a younger Connor was really weird to her. To her, he had jumped into life the already grown son-of-a-bitch that she loved so much. And she was sure that the thought of a little Shay with missing teeth and the pink tutu she refused to take off was weird as well. The thought of a young Connor would always be alien to her.
The girl pulled back a bit when Connor started speaking, keeping her hands on his forearms and looking up into his eyes. He seemed to be having a little trouble getting this out, which made Shay realize how important that whatever it is he was telling her was. So she was going to keep her mouth shut - a feat for Shay - until he had said what he needed to. And then she would go back to babbling and teasing him like usual.
She listened quietly to his words and then.. her jaw dropped. The sixteen year old had not been expecting that bomb. Her brain stopped processing things for a moment. And then... the tears started. In all honestly, Shay didn't know why it hit her that hard. After all, Shay hadn't been the one who had been sexually abused by her fifth grade teacher. But the thought of Connor having to go through that... that killed her. The girl took a deep breath, wiping her eyes and calming herself down enough to talk. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I started crying. I should be crying." Shay said quietly, rubbing his arms softly.
Looking up at Connor, Shay suddenly wished that she was bigger. Times like these were when Connor would pull her into him, wrap his arms around her and just let her freak out with her burying her face in his chest. But that didn't work so well when Shay wanted to be the one protecting Connor.
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Post by _bjscw on Jan 30, 2009 23:21:19 GMT -5
Shit. "No, no, no, no, don't cry, please don't cry over this Shay!" Connor exclaimed quickly, caressing her face in his hands and quickly helping her wipe away the tears. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her like this. Then again, was he really expecting her to just be able to shrug it off like he had always done?
"Shhh," He hushed her gently, craning his neck over so that he could look into her glistening eyes. "You don't have to be upset about it. I'm over it. I've been over it for a long time." He murmured, starting to wish he hadn't said anything. Something about seeing Shay cry tore him up inside. "Please don't get upset. I just wanted to get it off my chest." Connor looked a bit helpless, even though it wasn't like Shay was out-of-control sobbing or anything. She was starting to calm down, yet he still felt extremely frantic.
He slowly leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, wrapping his arm loosely around her neck. Revealing his past had been too far of a step, and he should have known better. It suddenly made him insecure, knowing that his secret was out in open air, and not just confined to his own mind. But he could trust Shay - that was the whole point of telling her in the first place.
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Post by rcbcbsn. (ℓ) on Feb 13, 2009 22:51:46 GMT -5
* [/color] the world is ugly ,[/size][/font] - - - - - - - - - but you are beautiful to me .[/size][/center] "I'm sorry," Shay said again, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She really hadn't expected to get so upset. Then again, she hadn't expected that Connor was going to tell her that he had been sexually abused by his teacher when he was in the sixth grade. That was some pretty messed up stuff. Especially for Shay, who had lived a really sheltered life. The worst part about her life was the fact that her parents were angry people who refused to get a divorce, even though it was obvious to everyone in the world that that was what they wanted. Other than that, Shay's seventeen year old life had been completely free of horrible things.
The girl pressed her face into Connor's chest, letting herself calm down completely. The thing he said about having been over it for a long time made her sad. Though she was sure to not let her tears start again. She didn't want to upset Connor again. "I'm not upset." Shay said quietly, breathing in deep. "Just.. shocked. But I'm okay, I promise." And she was... mostly. At least, Shay was going to pretend she was alright until she actually was alright. That information was a pretty big news flash to swallow easily. But she was going to swallow it because she wanted Connor to know that he could tell her things and she'd be okay with them.
"I love you, Connor. So much."
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Post by _bjscw on Feb 22, 2009 19:30:41 GMT -5
Connor nodded, scrunching a bit of her hair into his hand. "I know, I know. I love you, too. Just relax." It hadn't been the right time. But really, when was the right time for these sorts of things? He hugged her closer to his chest. He still couldn't get over the fact that he actually just told her. Even though she had started crying and the news visibly upset her, he was still kind of glad. It was nice to get it off his chest for once.
He realized his eyes were a bit teary now. Well shit, that wasn't very manly! Connor reached up and wiped at them, sniffling and chuckling at himself. Getting all emotional over this stuff sucked.
"Anyways, now that I've told you, we can forget all about it. It was the past, and we can move on with our lives. Sound good?" He looked down to smile at Shay.
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